I Hope I Shall Unplug Soon
by Nova Adams
Summary: In a takeoff of a famous Philip K. Dick story, the author has created an ontological riff that induces brainmelt. Also, Neo gets a nasty trick played on him.


"You wanted to see me?" Neo stood in the doorway to the cavern. It was a very small cave, furnished with a cot and what appeared to be a jerry-rigged refrigerator. Most of the area was taken up with glowing monitors, keyboards, and miles of wire. There was a jack-in chair in the center of the room.   
  
Random turned around. She was quite young, perhaps about fifteen or sixteen. Unattractive. Pudgy, with stringy black hair and a nose that appeared to be broken. She was wearing unflatteringly tight jeans and a ragged black T-shirt with the number 42 painted on it.   
  
"Well, if it isn't the one. El Uno. Neo the newbie."   
  
"That would be me. Now do you mind telling me what's so important? I do have minds to liberate."   
  
"Free your heeeeaaaaad!" Random sang, spinning around in her chair. "Yes, I know how incredibly vital your time is to us." She faced Neo. "You know how there are those training programs, the ones that have the same rules as the Matrix but are just little offshoots?"   
  
Neo nodded. "I've spent enough time in those."   
  
"Good. We're on the same page. Anyway, I've created a construct of Zion. It's exactly the same. I've programmed everything into it."   
  
Neo frowned. "How can you program people into it?"   
  
Random held up a finger. "Ah, there's the really amazing part. My construct actually interfaces with your mind! It pulls out memories and incorporates them into the program."   
  
"Isn't that a little…" Neo searched for the word, but could not find it.   
  
"Meta? Yeah. Anyway, I figured that if anyone could find any bugs in the program, it would be the One."   
  
Neo snorted. "You're using me as a glorified beta-tester?"   
  
"Yeah," said Random. "If that's okay with you."   
  
Neo sighed. "Fine. But it had better be fast." He eased himself into the chair and winced as Random shoved the plug into his head.   
  
There was a moment of light. Then things cleared up…   
  
And Neo was sitting in the chair, looking at the ceiling of the cave.   
  
"Did it work?" Neo asked.   
  
"Yeah. It should work. Why?"   
  
Neo looked at his hands. No code. "I can't see any code. And I'm still in the chair." He felt the back of his head. "But I'm unplugged."   
  
"I know," said Random. "I programmed the simulation to start in the chair. I thought it would be less disorienting."   
  
Neo got up and did a few experimental kicks. He completely failed to run up the wall and on the ceiling.   
  
Random giggled annoyingly. Actually, she snorted. "You just fell on your tush."   
  
Neo rubbed his aching butt. "But if this a construct, shouldn't I be able to work within it like I do in the Matrix?"   
  
Random rolled her eyes. "You dumbass, do I have to spell it out? First of all, it's exactly the same physical rules as in Zion. Only the person controlling the program can break them. Second, this is a different type of construct. It takes feedback from your mind instead of feeding into it, so your brain is basically conspiring to delude you instead of being the deluded one."   
  
"Cool." Neo touched the cave wall. It was damp and gritty. "Hey, you really worked hard on this."   
  
"I know. Isn't it leet?"   
  
"What?"   
  
"Nothing. Anyway, go have a look around. See if there are any bugs."   
  
Neo wandered back down the path to the main dock. The stupid kid, she was probably crazy. The One could take on any construct ever created. She was probably just trying to impress him.   
  
Someone tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, Neo."   
  
"Trinity." They looked at each other for a long moment before sweeping each other into a passionate kiss.   
  
Neo sighed happily. Trinity's lips were soft and warm and moist, and—chapped? They weren't chapped. He opened his eyes.   
  
Random giggled. "You're a good kisser. What do you think so far?"   
  
Neo tried to push her away, but his arms went right through her. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"   
  
"Just checking up on you. I was kidding about you being a good kisser. I can't even feel you. I'm just projecting myself as a program."   
  
Neo shook his head and wiped his lips. Even though he now knew that the slobber on his face from Random's mouth was illusory, he still felt a compulsion to get rid of it.   
  
"Very nice, okay, you've had your fun. Now get me out of here."   
  
Random sighed. "Already? Fine."   
  
There was a moment of light. Then things cleared up…   
  
And Neo was sitting in the chair, looking at the ceiling of the cave.   
  
He got up. "I don't think I'm going to do this again."   
  
Random pouted. "Oh, come on. Was it really that bad?"   
  
"Yes, it was. That was a lousy trick to pull."   
  
"But was my programming okay?"   
  
"It was fine," Neo muttered. He left the cave and headed out to the main dock.   
  
Someone tapped him on the shoulder. Neo whirled around. It was Morpheus.   
  
Neo relaxed. "Oh. I thought you would have been Trinity."   
  
Morpheus looked a little confused for a moment, then set his features into the Zen-like grimace Neo had come to know. "Neo, we have a problem and you're the only one that can fix it." He held out a gun.   
  
Neo looked at Morpheus's face, then at the gun, then at Agent Smith's face. Agent Smith smiled nastily. "You thought you had escaped me, Mr. Anderson. Well, I can follow you anywhere and everywhere you go. I am in your head, Mr. Anderson, I am part of you. We are two sides of an equation."   
  
Neo backed away. "No. God. No. How did you do this?"   
  
Agent Smith said, "I asked Random to program me in," Random said. She was there again in that dumb T-shirt and that stupid smile.   
  
Neo's legs went weak beneath him. He sat down. "I'm still in there, aren't I?"   
  
"Yup," said Random.   
  
"You didn't jack me out when I asked you to."   
  
"Nope."   
  
"That was a really shitty thing to do."   
  
"I guess."   
  
"Are you going to jack me out now?"   
  
Random looked disappointed. "Do I have to?"   
  
"If you don't," threatened Neo, "Morpheus is going to come looking for you and kick your ass. I told him where I was going and he knows where I am."   
  
"Fine." Random made a nasty face. "Hold on a sec."   
  
There was a moment of light. Then things cleared up…   
  
And Neo was sitting in the chair, looking at the ceiling of the cave.   
  
Neo stretched his legs. "Ah, that's better."   
  
Random trudged over to the cot and flopped herself down on it. "Yeah, well. Go do whatever lifesaving thing it is you have to do, okay?"   
  
"I will, thank you," said Neo.   
  
"Fucking stupid Messiah complex, thinks he's such a big hero, all he can do is fly and see Agents and shit, big deal I could do that…" Random grumbled to herself. Neo tuned it out. He had Squiddies to kill.   
  
Niobe hugged Neo. "Good luck," she whispered.   
  
"Thanks," said Neo. He was finally going to the city of the machines. It was, as he kept reminding himself, a dangerous mission, but he was the One and he would prevail.   
  
"If you don't come back," Niobe whispered in his ear, "then we'll all have a big party with cake and ice cream," Random finished.   
  
Neo jerked back. "God! Random!"   
  
Random twirled a piece of her hair around her finger. "Either name is okay, really. You don't have to use both."   
  
"This whole time I've been in that stupid construct of yours?"   
  
"Don't call it stupid," she snapped back. "You thought it was pretty damn real when you were going "Ooh! Trinity! Put your finger in my porthole!" I mean, that was just sort of perverted—"   
  
Neo closed his eyes. He could feel the anger building up inside him, an anger that he hadn't felt since his last fight with Agent Smith. Beside him, Random went on. "I've had to watch you for the past, like, two months, how do you think I feel?"   
  
Neo lunged at her.   
  
There was a moment of light. Then things cleared up…   
  
And Neo was sitting in the chair, looking at the ceiling of the cave.   
  
Trinity was standing over him. "Neo? Neo?"   
  
Neo shook his head. "No. Not another one. Don't wanna go through it."   
  
Trinity shook his arm. "Neo? Neo, what are you talking about?"   
  
"Stop it, Random! Just kill me or something, don't make me go through this all over again! I can't stand it!" Neo fell out of the chair.   
  
Trinity gently took his arm. "Neo, what did she do to you?" Random whispered, giggling. "What did I do to you? You bastard. You fucking bastard. This is all that you deserve."   
  
"What did I ever do to you?" yelled Neo. "Why are you doing this?"   
  
Random leaned in close to Neo's face. "You're not the One. My uncle was the one but Morpheus was too fucking dumb to see that. He could read the Matrix. Can you do that? No, you can't. And you know what? Maybe my uncle Cypher was right. Our existence here is shit and you've just proved that to me. Who cares about reality? Not me."   
  
There was a moment of light. Then things cleared up…   
  
And Neo was sitting in the chair, looking at the ceiling of the cave.   
  
Trinity was standing over him. "Neo? Neo?"   
  
Neo moaned and closed his eyes.   
  
Trinity looked over at Random. "What did you do to him?" she demanded.   
  
Random's face was stoic. "All I did was free his mind. You should be so lucky."   
  
"Are you happy? You've destroyed the One." Morpheus's deep voice came from the door of the cave.   
  
"There is no One, you pompous jackass. I can do exactly what he did," Random said. "Everyone else is just too stupid to know what to do."   
  
Trinity knelt by Neo's twitching body. "Neo, it's okay. It's really me now."   
  
"Zion's a construct. It's all a construct," Neo mumbled.   
  
Trinity looked at Random. "What have you been making him believe?" she whispered.   
  
"Nothing that isn't true. Let me show you," said Random. "Let me pull the plug."   
  
There was a moment of light. Then things cleared up… 


End file.
